I'll Be the Judge of That
by Kyle

It was my sophomore year in college and I was perusing the ads in the campus newspaper. While glancing through I noticed that their was going to be some kind of business fair going on next week on campus. These fairs usually take place during the spring and consist of companies setting up huge tents on college campuses and having college students participate in stupid games to win products. What caught my eye about the ad, was the fact that the Odor Eaters company was sponsoring a stinkiest feet on campus contest. The winner was going to get a whole bunch of foot powder, insoles, and footwear. What I wanted to know was did they need any judges? Right below the add for the business fair was a telephone number for employment. I decided to call.

" Hello I am calling in regards to the ad for employment during the business fair later this week. I wanted to know what kind of jobs are available?" I was talking to a young man named Mike.

" Well we are looking for judges in many of the competitions and games that will be taking place. But the sign up period has already started so their might not be many good jobs left. In fact I believe their are only a few postions left at the Odor Eaters booth. Believe me, you dont want to work their." said Mike

" Why not?" I asked hoping to hear the answer I wanted.

" Well you would be judging a smelly feet contest. Besides I dont think 20 bucks and some free foot powder are worth it." Mike said, shocked that I might actually consider it.

" Well tell me where the sign-up sheets are I would still like to help out." Mike informed as to where the sign up sheets were located and I skipped my afternoon class to get my name on the list. I went to the student union and saw the sign-up sheets. Mike was right many of the places had been filled. I finally found the Odor Eaters sign-up sheet. Sure enough their was hardly any names on the list. I looked both ways to make sure no one was watching and I put my name and phone on the list.

I got a call later that night. It was the Odor-Eaters rep telling me where to go and what to do on the day of the contest. He thanked me for signing up for the event since hardly anyone ever did. I asked him how many contestants do you usually have. "Oh quite a few, around fifty the past two years. Mostly jocks and skaters, they always seemed to have the worst smelling feet and know it." replied the rep. " Believe me you have got your work cut out for you. I had to judge the contest a couple of years ago and swore I was going to be physically ill at the end."

"Well I dont think I will have that problem. Nobodys feet could smell worse than my roommates." I lied because I had more than once enjoyed his stinky old socks.

"Well we see how you do after the contest" said the rep.

Friday had finally arrived and I headed on down to the union. The rep was right most of the contestants were jocks or skaters. They all were very attractive in their own way and I could not wait to take in the beautiful bouquets that were their feet. I actually was sort of embarrassed because some of these people were in my classes. I had to go in a meeting before the contest began to be briefed. I met up with the rep I spoke to last night on the phone. He told me what he thought was bad news. His other judges were no-shows so I would have to smell all fifty contestants feet. Could I do it? I said sure. He even through in an extra twenty bucks.

The contest was on. The great thing about it was I got to remove the contestants shoes. Many had left their shoes on to let them roast. So their I was going down the line removing ratty pairs of sneakers, tennis shoes, and skater shoes. After each removal I would lean in close and take a huge whiff. It was tough to keep my hard-on from showing but I managed. Each time I leaned in the guy I was judging would try to shove his foot right into my nose. This was the greatest job I ever had. The crowd looked on in disbelief as I sniffed some of the smelliest feet on campus. With every whiff the contestant would smile down. These guys took pride in their stinky feet and loved having another guy at their feet smelling them. It took around an hour but I finally smelled each contestants feet. I got up to the podium and told the contestants that they all had pungent foot odor but I would have to go with contestants; 3,17,24,42,48. Naturally these were the best in the field and the most cocky. The other contestants walked off stage looking disappointed not knowing that I would have given them a foot massage or foot bath as a consolation prize.

It came down to the last five and the next part was a Q&A round. I got to ask the guys questions. Of course all foot related. Here is the question I asked each guy and his response.

ME: Contestant One do you take pride in your repulsive smelling feet.

Contestant One: Hell yes! It shows I can work up a real sweat unlike some guys.

Boy he was cocky. The bodybuilder type with a great physique and feet that were probally strong enough to crush my skull .

ME: Contestant Two what is the most embarrassing situation your smelly feet have gotten you into?

Contestant Two: Well my feet have gotten me into several jams. For instance I can never take my shoes off around girlfriends. Especially after my foot odor made one of my former girlfriends physically ill. That is probably the most embarassing situation.

I loved this all American boy next door types answer. He had a cute face and a smile to die for. He even turned a little red while giving his response.

ME: Contestant Three. Do you have any special motivation for being here today?

Contestant Three: Well my girlfriend and all my dorm buddies said I probably could win. After all I am not aloud to take my shoes off in the dorm without immediately showering.

My god. I could not believe these reponses. This guy was another Boy next door type.

Me: Contestant 4 what is the best and worst part about having stinky feet?

Contestant: Well I guess I can gross out my friends. Sometimes I like to stick my stinky feet in their faces as revenge. The worst part, well their is no worse part I can only see positives. In fact I have been selling my stinky socks. It has been a nice second income. You wont believe what people will buy these days.

Another spectacular answer! This guy was skater type and really had a great model type look about him.

Me: Contestant 5 Besides money, what prize do you think you should recieve if you win the contest today?

Contestant 5: Well, someone to take care of my feet. You know like a foot man. Someone that would give me foot massages, clip my toenails, take care of callouses, wash my stinky socks, you get the idea.

The crowd was shocked by this answer. I however had picked a winner. Contestant 5 was Shane Simmons the star player on the soccer team. He had came to the competition right after practice. After a short deliberation I announced the winner. Shane was thrilled. He won a lot of foot care products, several pairs of athletic shoes, white athletic socks, and a new footstool with a foot massager built in. Needless to say Shane did not need those items. He contacted me a week after the contest and told me that he spotted my boner during the contest. He knew I wanted his feet and that I could make a dream come true for the both of us. It has been a great sophomore year.

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