by Tony
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As I walked along the beach, I nearly tripped over the gaudy looking bottle that protruded from the sand. I bent down to pick it up and dusted most of the sand off of it. It was probably the ugliest bottle I'd ever seen. It was dark green with black diamond shapes around the center. There were jewels (at least they looked like jewels) that were sprinkled around the bottle in haphazard patterns. The lid appeared to be stuck pretty tightly, but then I didn't really want to open it anyway. It really was awful to look at. I almost chucked it back into the surf, but changed my mind at the last second and decided to take it home with me.
Once I got home I set the bottle down on the floor beside the door and forgot about it. After I'd showered and eaten a bite, I remembered the bottle. I picked it up from where I'd left it by the door and carried it to the kitchen. I ran the bottle under the water spigot in the sink and got more of the dried vegetation, shell pieces, sand and other gunk off of it. It was still ugly, but it appeared to shine a bit brighter. I couldn't decide why I'd even kept the thing when I noticed, what appeared to be a crack in the bottle. I looked a bit closer and saw that it was indeed a small crack. I held up the bottle and peered in. I was sure I was seeing things. Inside the bottle there appeared to be a small room, complete with bed, mirror and small pillows. There was also a small doll or figure lying on the bed. I shook the bottle a bit to see if it really was a tiny, little room that I was looking at. The figure on the bed appeared to move. I was about to shake the bottle again and the figure moved once more. Surely not? I placed the bottle on the kitchen table and made sure it was absolutely still. I peaked in through the crack once again and indeed, the figure appeared to be moving around.
"What in the hell?" I said to myself. "Hey," I shouted at the bottle, feeling a little bit like an idiot. "Is there someone in there?"
No response. Well, duh. What should I expect? A little person to yell back, "Yeah, I'm trying to sleep. Will ya shut up?" I tried to pull the lid off of the bottle but it held fast. I got my pliers out and gripped the lid tightly. I yanked one good time and sure enough the lid popped off. I peered down into the bottle but saw nothing at all. No room, no bed and no little person. "Jesus, am I losing my mind?"
"No actually you're not," came a voice from the far side of the room. I turned and nearly wet my pants. Standing there against the wall was a man. He wore a bright red robe, a turban and pointy little shoes.
"Who the hell are you and how did you get into my apartment?" I yelled.
"I'm the genie of the lamp," he replied confidently.
I think that must have been when I passed out.
When I woke up, my uninvited guest was standing over me, sponging my forehead with a damp dishcloth. "Are you feeling better now?" he said.
I crabbed backwards away from him rather quickly and scooted up against the wall of my living room.
"Who are you? Why are you here? How the hell did you get in here?" I asked again.
"As I stated to you earlier sir, I'm the genie of the lamp which is now in your possession. You've released me and I cannot go away until your wishes have been granted."
"Wishes? Uh huh. You're shittin' me right?"
"No sir, you have released me from my prison, and for that I am able to grant you any three wishes you choose! Would you like to make your first wish at this time?"
"This isn't happening; no way. You're not real. I know, I was out in the sun to long today and I've passed out. Yeah, that's it, and now I'm dreaming. That's what's happened."
Feeling quite badly about the situation, the genie only smiled and said, "You did pass out sir, but only after I startled you in your kitchen. I placed a washcloth in water and used it to revive you. I promise you sir, that everything I've told you is true and exact." I was stunned. How in the hell could ANY of this be true?
"So you mean to tell me, that you're a real genie and I get three wishes and you can make those wishes come true, no matter what they are?"
"Yes sir, that is correct," he stated matter-of-factly.
"You have to understand that this is all very hard to swallow," I insisted.
"Yes sir. I do understand. I know it's difficult for you right now. Everyone says that it's unbelievable or even beyond their comprehension, but I assure you that I speak the truth."
"So, if I want a million dollars or ten million dollars, or even a hundred million dollars, all I have to do is wish for it and you can make it happen? Or say -- I just want to be wealthy for the rest of my life, you can do that?"
"Yes sir."
I just sat there. I think I was numb. I had no idea what to do. This couldn't be happening, could it? "What do most people wish for?" I asked.
"Money is usually one's first wish. At least that's how the pattern usually follows. But, people have wished for invisibility, the power of flight, the death of someone that they do not like, the restoration of health of someone that is dying, to live forever. That type of thing."
"And you made all those things happen?" I asked.
"Yes sir."
"Okay, I want to make my first wish." I said. "I want to be extremely wealthy for the rest of my life." He looked at me and didn't even flinch. A few seconds passed. "It is done, sir."
"You didn't even move, how can it be done?"
"I can only say that your wish has been granted."
I immediately got up and went to retrieve my checkbook from my dresser. I opened it up and saw nothing unusual. I still had $589.28 in my account - just like the last time I'd checked it just yesterday.
"Explain this." I shoved the checkbook up to his face. "I have no more money than I did just yesterday at this time. How about that?"
He said nothing. Finally, he muttered calmly, "Reach into your pocket."
I reached in and pulled out a wad of money. Tens, Fifties, Fives, Hundreds, Twenties - I had a pocket full of money where just seconds ago, I had nothing but empty pockets. No way! I picked up the shorts I'd worn to the beach that morning and felt inside the pockets - Tens, Twenties and Hundreds! Oh My GOD!! Oh My freakin, God. "This is real. You were telling the truth. You're an honest-to-God genie."
"Yes sir."
I was awestruck. I could hardly think.
"Would you like to make your second wish sir?"
"Yeah, yeah, just wait a second. I can't believe this." I smiled as I pulled even more money from my pockets. Oh wow, this was so fucking cool!!! "I've got a question for you. When you said I'd released you from your prison, what did you mean by that?"
"Well sir, I've been trapped in the bottle for nearly 2000 years. When I'm released to grant wishes to my master, it is only a temporary reprieve."
"2000 years? Why don't you just leave? Just make yourself a house or something somewhere, refuse to go back in. Why can't you just leave or tell whomever it is that put you in this predicament, that you've done your time. Tell 'em you just want out of this now?"
"Once your wishes are granted, I have no choice but to return to the bottle."
"Oh really. Not only does that suck, but I think I know of a way that you don't have to go back to that stupid bottle and I still get my other two wishes. You said that I could have what ever I want and you have to do it right?"
"Yes sir, that is correct."
"Well, all I've ever wanted was enough money to get by on and someone to love. You've certainly made money no problem for me now. But I have this male foot fetish and it's hard to meet people. But I'd love to have everyone I've ever thought about or loved or lusted after, all rolled up into one person. Just so that I could have them whenever I wanted them. Could you make someone like that for me?"
"Yes sir."
"So if I wished for this perfect man, you could do that?"
"Yes sir."
"Well then, for my second wish, I wish for that Perfect Man, and before you say anything I also want my third wish to be that you'll be free of that bottle. For good." For a second or two, nothing happened. Slowly, the genie's robe, turban and pointy shoes disappeared. He stood before me as a regular guy. Polo shirt and all. And cute too, now that all his fancy garb had disappeared.
"It is done, sir."
"Well, it looks like only part of it worked." I said. "I'm glad you don't have to go back into that hideous bottle, but I don't see my perfect man anywhere. Let me guess, does he come outta my pockets too?"
"No sir, I'm your perfect man."
I looked at him with a smile. "Now don,t get me wrong, you're actually quite cute, but you're not exactly what I'd pictured. I was thinking more along the lines of" but before I could even finish my thought, Matthew McConaughey stood before me. Oh wow. Where did he come from? Then I noticed his features slowly start to fade away and Ben Affleck stood before me in his place. Ben started toward me and put his hands on my shoulders. He pushed me down on the couch and slowly raised his foot. He placed it on my crotch but while I was looking at him, his features again changed and it was actually Chris Isaak's foot in my crotch. "What,s going on?" I said as I looked up into Chris' finely chiseled face.
"I'm fulfilling your wishes." Chris said. Again his body changed and Kyle Chandler stood before me. Kyle rubbed up and down my crotch with his foot and my groin was starting to stir. Kyle changed into Daniel from the pizza place downtown. I always fantasized about him whenever I ate there. Daniel quickly changed into Ricky Martin and then Paul Rudd and then William Baldwin.
"Genie - you mean you can become all these men, anytime I want you too?"
"Yes, that was your wish!" As William Baldwin pushed me backward onto the couch with his foot, he changed into tennis star Patrick Rafter. Patrick forced me to sniff his foot as he pressed it into my face. Then he changed as well to Chris O'Donnell, then to Dean Cain then to Pete Sampras and then into Luke Perry.
"I'm gonna go crazy, this is like something out of the X-files!" I gasped. Luke Perry quickly changed into David Duchovny and David forced his foot into my mouth. He then took his foot back out of mouth and then stepped on me so that he could get to the back of the couch. As he sat on the back of the couch, he took his foot and put it back into my face and with his other foot he started rubbing up and down on my now very erect cock. David slowly changed into Tom Cruise. Then into Billy Zane. Then into the guy that works out at the 'Y' that I'm always staring at. Then into James Van Der Beek. I was getting closer and closer to shooting my load. James changed again, this time into Eric McCormack then into Antonio Sabato Jr. and then I simply lost control. I think I shot the biggest load of my life! My GOD! It was great.
When I finished I noticed that the genie,(I wonder what his real name was) had also gotten himself off (and rather messily, I might add) and I just looked up at him and smiled. "That was incredible," I said. "I think I'm in love!"
"My name is Abdul. That's my real name anyway - the one given to me at my birth. And I'm glad you liked it. I too, think I am in love." We smiled at each other.
"So you can read my thoughts too, huh?" I asked.
"Yes, that's how I know who to become in order to please you. I can become anyone you choose." He became Noah Wyle, then Michael Vartan and then Casper Van Dien.
"Whoa whoa, hang on there stud! I need a little time to rest man! And besides, I know I'd like to try this again, but with you just being YOU next time! He looked down at me and then kissed me gently on the lips. All my wishes had indeed been granted!!
